Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Dear MR.B- I Miss You

 


Even though MR.B lives with me, sleeps in the same bed with me, sits at the same dinner table as me. Even though we share the same bathroom & we spend almost every evening together. I miss him. I miss him even though he is here.

Lately, I’ve been having these dreams…romantic dreams. Not sexual, just romantic, but painfully romantic. You know, the way romance felt when you were a super-hormonal teenager, and just a fleeting glance from your crush could send you into a tizzy? Those kinds of dreams.

I’m sure it’s my subconscious’s way of telling me that romance is almost absent from my life right now. This probably has something to do with there being a 9 month old baby, 6 year old & a very nearly 9 year old in the house, who (as lovely as they are) suck up pretty much all the energy and affection me & MR.B have to offer. No one really tells you what distance introducing a baby into the family can place between couples, at least for a while.

MR.B and I have barely seen each other since Isaac has been born. I mean, sure, we see each other in the few hours each day after he gets home from work, but they’re completely consumed by dinner, dishes, bedtime routines, bills, talk of work & normal day to day things & maybe, just maybe, a half hour to sit on the sofa & decompress in front of a mindless TV show. Then, after a quick goodnight kiss, we retire to bed. 

It doesn’t help that I’m not feeling particularly desirable right now, either. My body is hanging onto the last bit of baby weight, that just doesn't seem to want to budge! And too frequently, I smell faintly of sick,poo & any other bodily functions you can think of, or I have chucked bits of food in my hair or splattered on my clothes. Sexy right? 

Becoming parents is obviously life changing. Our young children take up a lot of our energy, affection, conversation & time, just like they should do. I miss MR.B because we are connecting so much more with them than we are with each other & I think that’s entirely natural. BUT, I'm craving 'US' time. We are definitely guilty of neglecting each other (unintentionally of course!) but sadly it has happened. We haven't actually been out on a 'date' away from home & the children in God knows how long! I miss this & I miss him. 

I know this phase of our relationship, with all its challenges, will pass, we've been here before & found ourselves again. That’s why I’m not afraid to admit that it’s tough. We’ll get back to where we were with baby steps (no pun intended), like spending the evening together this Saturday by having a 'date night' at home. Seriously need to start thinking of getting the baby-sitters in! 

 

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