Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Soft Play- Heaven Or Hell?



Yesterday, we went to soft play. I think I hate soft play, or maybe I love it…I can’t decide.


The benefits are that it keeps the children busy, makes them happy & burns off some of the endless energy they have.


When I say endless energy, I am not exaggerating.  They are always on the go.


NEVER TIRED.


They don’t consume any caffeine.  I don’t get this.  As someone who struggles to even speak in the morning without a cup of coffee, I marvel at the way they jump out of bed in the morning.  Anyway, what our mornings are like is for another post.


SO BACK TO SOFT PLAY, WHAT ELSE DO I LIKE ABOUT IT?


Well I guess I like the slides they are pretty good fun.  The trampolines too, although I really, really would like to go on the trampoline on my own but I guess that is against the rules as I am probably a little over the age limit.


Oh & I really love the grabby machines.  You know what I mean, ‘The claw is my master’ for all those that have watched Toy Story – which is everyone right?  If these games have a real name I would be interested in hearing what that is.  For now, they will be known as grabby machines.  I am pretty good at these, but I guess anyone would be good if they spent a small fortune honing their skills!





SO WHAT DO I HATE?


This is going to sound old but soft play is exhausting; really, really tiring.  I find myself desperate to have a sit down & enjoy a hot cup of coffee.  But I can’t, and here is why…  my littlest is 12 months & therefore needs to be accompanied around the soft play at all times. Gracie-Mae loves dragging MR.B & I into the dreaded maze to play, Jamie just does his own thang!


So with this in mind, here is the thing. It’s those massive rabbit warrens, the huge climbing frames that are built for children.  Not twenty-something adults….So as I squeeze myself through these labyrinths after the children. I feel a bit silly, fearing I may get stuck, all the while pretending I am looking after a little person.  In reality, the only person who is truly in trouble here is me.  It is very likely I am never going to get out of here, stuck in soft play forever.


I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE, OF COURSE.


As you crawl through these stupidly small spaces, you always meet another knowing adult.  You nod, maybe say hello & always exchange sympathetic glances.  Both of you know what this means.  You are in it together.  You are not alone!!!


The tables; you can never ever find a clean table in these places.  They are always sticky, even if just cleaned.  Wet wipes save the day once more, they are truly the best invention known to man & I am not sure how I got through my day without them before kids.


HERE IS THE OTHER THING: OTHER PEOPLES CHILDREN.


By this, I mean the eight-year-old who is charging through the toddler area.  What is with that?  As I look around trying to catch the eye of said child’s parents, I notice there are no parents around.  Said child is running free, creating havoc in the toddler area, knocking my little ones out of the way, high on sugar from fizzy drinks & too many chewy sweets.   The other thing is how is the eight-year-old diving into the ball pool head first & not hurting themselves?


AND THE ABSOLUTELY WORST THING ABOUT SOFT PLAY…LEAVING.


Not because I don’t want to leave, I do.  I am done.  Tired.  Need a coffee.  But the kids, they never, ever want to leave.  They make bold claims like, ‘just leave me here all by self’, ‘I want to live here’ & ‘it’s ok mummy, they sell chips here you can go’.  They have a meltdown; you bribe with promises of sugar & treats (that’s probably why the eight-year-old is running around manically).  You finally get out to the car & heart sinks as you remember they are now old enough to remember your bribes & demand payment.


SO THERE YOU HAVE IT, I AM STILL NOT SURE IF I LOVE IT OR HATE IT.


What I do know is, when it is chucking it down & in the absence of any outdoor activities being an option, it beats being at home with them & the kids LOVE it, or at least I think they do if the screeching as they arrive & the crying as they leave is any indicator.




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