Wednesday, 15 March 2017

I'll Never Do That When I Have Kids (Lies I Told Myself Before Becoming A Mum)


Oh, the things we say before we have kids. We stroll past kids throwing tantrums or have looked after the neighbours bratty children & said to ourselves, "When I have kids, I'll never do X,Y or Z." So easy to say those things before we actually have a screaming child having a meltdown in your local supermarket or when you have a child who won't sleep for more than 2 hours in a row. 
Here are a few things that I swore I'd never do as a Mum before I had my children. 

1. Be that parent with the screaming kid in public. 
My 2 now older children Jamie & Gracie-Mae as toddlers have had their fair share of public meltdowns, varying in intensity & a few people said to me, "Don't be embarrassed, anyone who has ever had children will understand." And I think that's actually true. I'm ashamed to say that before I had my children, I thought that a badly behaved child was a reflection on the parents, but now I know that every child just has bad moments, just like us adults, ermmm hello it's normal, are you happy go lucky every minute of the day? No I didn't think so, neither are children let's just give them a break. I will never ever again judge a parent with a screaming child. 

2. Sniff my baby's bum to check for poo.
I remember seeing parents do this & thinking Yuk that's disgusting. I am never doing that. It is disgusting. And yes I have done it. Lots. Even more disgusting is the reason why parents do this. Let me spell this out as clearly as possible: Parents sniff baby's bums because they no longer have the mental capacity to detect the smell of shit even when they are sat right next to it. 

3. MR.B & I referring to each other as Mummy & Daddy. 
Even though all the books say you ABSOLUTELY MUST NOT do this because you and your partner will immediately stop fancying each other & you will never have sex ever again. (But in fact we do refer to each other as Mummy & Daddy without even thinking about it), and if you do aswell, I wouldn't worry about it, there are many, many other things that will stop you from having sex- number one the little humans that you have created. 

4. Talk about my child's bodily functions. 
I done this with Jamie & Gracie-Mae & I still do this now with little Isaac, my life revolves around keeping track on how much he eats, sleeps & poops. I have become that parent who says things to MR.B at the end of the day like, "He had a huge pooey nappy today, I couldn't believe it!" I never thought I would be someone who talked about shit so much! Refer back to No.3 for turn-offs. 

5. Co-sleep with my children. 
There are so many articles & parenting forums that tell you that co-sleeping is dangerous & you will have plenty of people tell you, "Your making a rod off your own back, they will never sleep in their own beds." I was scared of falling into a deep sleep & rolling over squashing them, but the truth is you'll never fall asleep properly when your co-sleeping, your very conscious that they are there, but if your baby is sleeping soundly & not screaming blue bloody murder, and your not up and down pacing the bedroom floor, pinning your eyes back with cocktail sticks longing just to lay your head down on that pillow. Then go for it. It made my nights a lot easier. Enough said. 

6. Hide things from my children to avoid saying the dreaded words 'No'.
It's so easy when you don't have children to just say, "Just tell them no, the kids are not in charge, you are." But when you've had a long day & you just don't think you can deal with another whiny moment, it's just so much easier to hide the jar of sweets or the hideously loud toy that makes you want to jump of a bridge. I'm guilty of this on many occasions. Bad mummy over here. 

So when you find yourself doing something that you swore you'd never do as a parent, just remember, your doing the best you can, tomorrow is another day, & this job is super hard. But these are also things you'll look back on & smile at, I already do. 



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